By Smoovee .
You can always tell a hurt or scorned female from a perfectly healthy , level headed one. A hurt female will become the most bitter, pettiest person you've ever come across . She'll stoop down to childish acts just to see what he's up to , or to sabotage any happiness the male has a chance of having without her.
Males are always the first to declare a female crazy AFTER he's hurt her . Niggas wonder why we give permanent feelings to temporary guys, well most of the time we don't view him as just being temporary . All the time he invests in getting to know you, and your emotions all for the key to unlock your legs leading inside of your pussy...not your heart. Why do you continuously hurt us ? Me in particular. every week I get on one of my two blogs and shout I HATE YOU'S and how I'm so done when in actuality if one of the mains I constantly talk about would act right , I'd be right back. Do I want to be in a relationship that bad that I settle for what isn't even there ? I REFUSE ! I constantly give the same guys literally the SAME GUYS Hollister and Goon the power when both have proven to me on numerous occasions how fucked up their intentions on. The habit of feeding this fairy tale in my head of changing the asshole into my prince charming and having a happy relationship with a fucking patrich (sp) and a pear tree must stop!
I'm going to take you back to a time when skull belts, plaid flats, I LOVE NY shirts, and colorful chunky, beaded necklaces were in style. NINTH GRADE .
I was 14, and had the HUGEST crush, more like obsession with ...we'll call him Brooklyn. Brooklyn was a recurring junior who was supposed have been a senior. He was 17, a pot head, and didn't give me the time of day. I thought the semi makeout session we had in the back of his car solidified my place in his heart, or at least his mind as more than a "friend". WRONG ! He played me , ignored the shtit out of me in 4th period gym , all types of shit. I wanted him so fucking bad, but decided fuck it, and fuck him. Summer came, he called one day out of the blue and although I had erased his number months before I still knew the number. He asked me what I was doing and before long we were at the pool with friends having a jolly old time...before long he was back to ignoring me again.
10th grade comes around, Ramsey walks into my life and I forget all about Brooklyn. Yet I still sat next to him on the bus. He'd come on and sit next to me reeking of marijuana at 6am, and smile. All the things that attracted to me to him the year before sickened me now. His smile, his "bad boy persona" , his car was no longer in his possession, the smell of weed every morning and now he was on MY clit. I was disgusted by him. 11th grade, he was a senior...yes the same guy that was a junior when I was a freshman who was supposed to be a senior was now a senior when I was in 11th grade. Again...he wanted me. ...12th grade was the worst ! Especially summer, not only had he JUST graduated with my class of 2011 but you know this fool had the nerve to ask me "Nyasia, what happened to us back in the day ?" Muthafucka YOUR what happened ! You aint want me remember ?! but instead of entertaining the conversation I simply gave him a look of disgust and turned my head and continued to take my journey back to taj's house. With this information I've learned early on ...THEY ALL COME BACK. Conrell , BK, Domo, Rambo, Adam, Goon ,all of them . Hopefully I can give Hollister a "fuck you and I mean that shit" look one day when he's running behind me asking "What happened to us back in the day?"
Niggas always want what they COULD have already had. Why leave if you know one day you'll be back? The fuckery of love is beyond me.
Smoovee .
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
By Smoovee
Apparently I'm stupid, naive, and forgive too easily. Well that's what Domo and Hollister obviously think of me.
Domo ass was tagged in a fucking picture kissing his girlfriend and and her smiling all in the camera as if everything was right in the world and THEIR relationship wasn't a joke. When a girl constantly "hacks" you facebook page talking about this is wifey here , filling up your post with I love you's n' shit why are you STILL denying it ? He hmu on Saturday and I hit him with the "what's your girls name?" his reply ? I have no girl . *thinks* Oh . But fortunately for me bum ass, low down , hoe ass Gwinnett County niggas have prepared me for all the bullshit niggas dish out . So I erase his number, I didn't save it under a trife name ...nope I just erased it. delete . delete . delete .
Today he txts me from a 973 number and I'm like who this ?
Domo: "damn you erased my number...its Domo" .
Me: lose my number .
Domo: Why it gotta be like that doe ?
Me: you have a gf ?
Domo : nah not even .but if I did what would be the problem
Me: I'd be annoyed
Domo: but I thought you said we would never happen
And that's when I stopped responding because its like ...why am I answering HIS questions? My nigga has a girl all over his page claiming to be WIFEY yet he STILL denies it. Wow . All I can do is sit back , shake my head and think that poor girl. I was planning on sending her the text messages of our previous conversations and a screenshot of my call log but I only get one ratchet endeavor a month and I don't give that much of a fuck to be out here tryna ruin this niggas relationship just because I'm bored . He's obviously the type to get caught up so whoever is after me will get his ass . So fucka Domo .
Remember Hollister ? yeah well...its fuck him too. It's like even when I try being nice I'M the one who always ends up looking stupid ...ME ! I hate that shit, makes me feel weak, and that's something I refuse to be or feel. He's done, finito ! *slides index finger across neck* . Aight I feel as if I'm rambling now so ...*salutes*
Smoovee .
Apparently I'm stupid, naive, and forgive too easily. Well that's what Domo and Hollister obviously think of me.
Domo ass was tagged in a fucking picture kissing his girlfriend and and her smiling all in the camera as if everything was right in the world and THEIR relationship wasn't a joke. When a girl constantly "hacks" you facebook page talking about this is wifey here , filling up your post with I love you's n' shit why are you STILL denying it ? He hmu on Saturday and I hit him with the "what's your girls name?" his reply ? I have no girl . *thinks* Oh . But fortunately for me bum ass, low down , hoe ass Gwinnett County niggas have prepared me for all the bullshit niggas dish out . So I erase his number, I didn't save it under a trife name ...nope I just erased it. delete . delete . delete .
Today he txts me from a 973 number and I'm like who this ?
Domo: "damn you erased my number...its Domo" .
Me: lose my number .
Domo: Why it gotta be like that doe ?
Me: you have a gf ?
Domo : nah not even .but if I did what would be the problem
Me: I'd be annoyed
Domo: but I thought you said we would never happen
And that's when I stopped responding because its like ...why am I answering HIS questions? My nigga has a girl all over his page claiming to be WIFEY yet he STILL denies it. Wow . All I can do is sit back , shake my head and think that poor girl. I was planning on sending her the text messages of our previous conversations and a screenshot of my call log but I only get one ratchet endeavor a month and I don't give that much of a fuck to be out here tryna ruin this niggas relationship just because I'm bored . He's obviously the type to get caught up so whoever is after me will get his ass . So fucka Domo .
Remember Hollister ? yeah well...its fuck him too. It's like even when I try being nice I'M the one who always ends up looking stupid ...ME ! I hate that shit, makes me feel weak, and that's something I refuse to be or feel. He's done, finito ! *slides index finger across neck* . Aight I feel as if I'm rambling now so ...*salutes*
Smoovee .
Saturday, January 21, 2012
By bonnie.
Boys. Boys. Boys. I love boys.
Being out of school for eight months I forgot about them. I was so wrapped up in the old heads that I forgot how to "flirt" as Renney would say. I forgot the thrill of a chase. I forgot how it felt to be wanted and pursued by someone who knows absolutely NOTHING about you. It feels nice. It feels GREEEEEAAAAAT. The problem with that is I often find myself getting caught up & catching feelings something that I must work on. Something that I am working on. Getting out of toxic relationships makes you feel like you know nothing and know everything at the same time. Not everyone is gonna be like my first. Not every niggas goal is to fuck. Not every boy is trife. I understand. I GET IT. Trust me I do.
Right now we got the fly boy & the realness. Fly boy is just that. Fly as fuck. Style is a ten. Face is a twelve. Everything is perfect. Perfect perfect perfect. Me being a crazy did the whole horoscope analysis on shorty and I'm not sure how to take the Libra&Capricorn compatibility just yet. I don't base my whole relationships off the Zodiac but I do take bits and pieces that prove relevance to the situation. He's gorgeous and we vibe. We vibe hard as fuck. I just see myself feeling like I'm pressing him when I text him sometimes and it's not him. Cause he always replies and he always has convo. I don't know, I'm weird. I been out the game so long, I feel like I lost my mojo "/ I don't want to come off as thirsty so I don't text him every single day, sometimes I take a while to reply and sometimes I just don't reply until the next day. Weird ass kindergarten shit like that. He's like the hipster boyfriend me and Nyasia pretended to have at the mall that one day. I don't know, I'm smitten.
I like the feeling.
Realness on the other hand is perfect in his own demeanor. Laid back. Nonchalant. Easy to converse with. I don't feel shy. I don't know seems like I've known him for awhile, I was even inclined to tell him about Jae. I don't know what it is exactly but it's a different feeling then from flyBoy. It's a more relaxed crush. A crush that doesn't matter if I hit him up first because he somehow will KNOW that I'm not thirsty. It's hard to explain but I like them both. That's all there is to it. I have two crushes. TWO ! They keep my mind off the bitch. They keep me sane. They keep me on my toes. They keep me looking in the mirror, like "You badd as fuhh shawty". They keep me feeling .... happy. I can deal with happiness. I like happiness. I'm not even looking for a boyfriend. I'mlooking chillin with a whole buncha beautiful men, dating, mingling just enjoying the company. Just relaxing without having strings attached. I want strings attached eventually...won't front. But I think when you're friends first you have a better chance at being together for the right reasons rather then just jumping into a relationship to say you're in one. Friends - Best friends - Relationship. Having a relationship with your bestfriend would be awesome as fuck. Okay, I'm feeling a tad bit sappy...
Being out of school for eight months I forgot about them. I was so wrapped up in the old heads that I forgot how to "flirt" as Renney would say. I forgot the thrill of a chase. I forgot how it felt to be wanted and pursued by someone who knows absolutely NOTHING about you. It feels nice. It feels GREEEEEAAAAAT. The problem with that is I often find myself getting caught up & catching feelings something that I must work on. Something that I am working on. Getting out of toxic relationships makes you feel like you know nothing and know everything at the same time. Not everyone is gonna be like my first. Not every niggas goal is to fuck. Not every boy is trife. I understand. I GET IT. Trust me I do.
Right now we got the fly boy & the realness. Fly boy is just that. Fly as fuck. Style is a ten. Face is a twelve. Everything is perfect. Perfect perfect perfect. Me being a crazy did the whole horoscope analysis on shorty and I'm not sure how to take the Libra&Capricorn compatibility just yet. I don't base my whole relationships off the Zodiac but I do take bits and pieces that prove relevance to the situation. He's gorgeous and we vibe. We vibe hard as fuck. I just see myself feeling like I'm pressing him when I text him sometimes and it's not him. Cause he always replies and he always has convo. I don't know, I'm weird. I been out the game so long, I feel like I lost my mojo "/ I don't want to come off as thirsty so I don't text him every single day, sometimes I take a while to reply and sometimes I just don't reply until the next day. Weird ass kindergarten shit like that. He's like the hipster boyfriend me and Nyasia pretended to have at the mall that one day. I don't know, I'm smitten.
I like the feeling.
Realness on the other hand is perfect in his own demeanor. Laid back. Nonchalant. Easy to converse with. I don't feel shy. I don't know seems like I've known him for awhile, I was even inclined to tell him about Jae. I don't know what it is exactly but it's a different feeling then from flyBoy. It's a more relaxed crush. A crush that doesn't matter if I hit him up first because he somehow will KNOW that I'm not thirsty. It's hard to explain but I like them both. That's all there is to it. I have two crushes. TWO ! They keep my mind off the bitch. They keep me sane. They keep me on my toes. They keep me looking in the mirror, like "You badd as fuhh shawty". They keep me feeling .... happy. I can deal with happiness. I like happiness. I'm not even looking for a boyfriend. I'm
SMOOVEE
#PAUSE .
Why niggas out here be wildin for the littlest ounce of respect from their peers ? Are we not considered to be young adults, who can make decisions for ourselves ? So why do GUYS continuously take it upon themselves to prove their manhood, or how much they don't give a fuck to the people around them ?
Dom calls my phone, and texts me all hours of the day and night "you up?" ,"wyd" ? ALL hours ! Do I consider him someone to have potential ? Hell no ! But I do believe him to have money, trife on my part yes but I'm a broke college student running through her 3rd refund check , like nice things too. Anyway he stays in NY only a hop, skip and a jump away from the DMV . I entertain him when he calls, or texts at times, partly because I'm transitioning from a dead end relationship and another part is for the attention.
This morning I get on facebook to find a really beautiful girl that went to my high school to prove my point to Bonnie and Renny , somehow I ended up on his page only to find this:
Remember Goon ? yeah well he's back to talking to every "bitch" that he was frontin on since summer and ignoring me . Again, its cool but after dealing with him, Adam, Ramsey, Hollister and Holliday I've come to realize if you leave they asses alone for a little while niggas always wonder whose dick your on if your no longer on theirs . Guys like them make me terrified of relationships because I never want to be that oblivious to whats happening right under my fucking nose . Love is blinding and shit definitely gets real , problem is when shit is proven to be right in front of us we choose to ignore it , for fear of being hurt and alone. I'm tired of that shit . I was just telling La that I'm celibate now, he laughed of course but I'm sticking to my word...and yes I know celibacy means no head either "sighs" but fuck it i'm willing to do just that. Next time I have sex with a guy, he WILL be mine, and I won't have to worry about him calling me later or rushing to put his clothes on . He won't be fucking anyone but me and trust will be apart of our foundation.I refuse to continue to constantly wonder who the person I'm fucking with is fucking , or if I should txt him first , because I don't want to seem like a bother .
And in case you muthafuckas didn't know flirting on twitter is emotional cheating ! It doesn't matter if you knew the girl/boy or not . I'm tired of hearing "their just twitter slores" as a fucking excuse . I'm sticking to my word, celibacy, and I'm not just throwing the title around because the shit sounds good . I'm doing this for me, and my self respect.
Smoovee
#PAUSE .
Why niggas out here be wildin for the littlest ounce of respect from their peers ? Are we not considered to be young adults, who can make decisions for ourselves ? So why do GUYS continuously take it upon themselves to prove their manhood, or how much they don't give a fuck to the people around them ?
Dom calls my phone, and texts me all hours of the day and night "you up?" ,"wyd" ? ALL hours ! Do I consider him someone to have potential ? Hell no ! But I do believe him to have money, trife on my part yes but I'm a broke college student running through her 3rd refund check , like nice things too. Anyway he stays in NY only a hop, skip and a jump away from the DMV . I entertain him when he calls, or texts at times, partly because I'm transitioning from a dead end relationship and another part is for the attention.
This morning I get on facebook to find a really beautiful girl that went to my high school to prove my point to Bonnie and Renny , somehow I ended up on his page only to find this:
Remember Goon ? yeah well he's back to talking to every "bitch" that he was frontin on since summer and ignoring me . Again, its cool but after dealing with him, Adam, Ramsey, Hollister and Holliday I've come to realize if you leave they asses alone for a little while niggas always wonder whose dick your on if your no longer on theirs . Guys like them make me terrified of relationships because I never want to be that oblivious to whats happening right under my fucking nose . Love is blinding and shit definitely gets real , problem is when shit is proven to be right in front of us we choose to ignore it , for fear of being hurt and alone. I'm tired of that shit . I was just telling La that I'm celibate now, he laughed of course but I'm sticking to my word...and yes I know celibacy means no head either "sighs" but fuck it i'm willing to do just that. Next time I have sex with a guy, he WILL be mine, and I won't have to worry about him calling me later or rushing to put his clothes on . He won't be fucking anyone but me and trust will be apart of our foundation.I refuse to continue to constantly wonder who the person I'm fucking with is fucking , or if I should txt him first , because I don't want to seem like a bother .
And in case you muthafuckas didn't know flirting on twitter is emotional cheating ! It doesn't matter if you knew the girl/boy or not . I'm tired of hearing "their just twitter slores" as a fucking excuse . I'm sticking to my word, celibacy, and I'm not just throwing the title around because the shit sounds good . I'm doing this for me, and my self respect.
Smoovee
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
By Bonnie.
I'm in school right now on this beautiful MacBook evaluating life. Seriously just thinking of all the things I've accomplished in nineteen years and all the stuff I want to accomplish. My first english assignment was given to me today and it's on the topic of Identity. The first thing that comes into my mind is to write about my five year experience with babyDaddy, because at the end of the day that is one of the major component of my life. I learned an extreme amount of information from him. I've felt things I've never thought I would and done things I've never thought I'd do. I know that he is a major part of my life and in my first little brainstorming session I really wrote on pure emotion. My peer reader was amazed and at the same time kind of scared because I literally jumped from happy, sad and loyal in a matter of two paragraphs. I have alot of emotion and angst towards this man. I really don't even know what to think of him. I don't know what goes on is his brain when he does the things he does. I know he doesn't think of me nearly as much as he crosses my mind.. everyday. It's not even about love or emotions it's pure concern. I worry about what he's doing ever single day. I worry about if he's safe. I worry about if he's BEING* safe with these girls. I worry about if he's passing his classes. I worry about if he's making the right friends. I literally will sit and think for hours at times about all these miniscule things and it's like for what ? What am I getting out of it ? Nothing. Nothing but being a little stalker girl and reading all his little beau's twitter pages trying to put their picture against mine. Difference between Smoovee's niggas and Him is that he actually stays on the same level or upgrades. I've never seen him mess with a ugly ass girl. I wish he did, then maybe I could laugh about it and point fingers but I can't because they're all gorgeous as hell.
We all have the same raw emotion towards him, that even if he's not the only one we're dedicating our time to he's one of the main people we think about before we go off to sleep. That should count for something I would hope. I would think that even tho Bonnie2 has her hoe-ish tendencies that he still has some type of compassion to her... and even though Twiggy has done some of her own dirt he still has some type of undying love towards her as well and even though Me, myself has done some malicious petty things to hurt him or make him feel as bad as I did when I find out about his endeavors he would still find a time or a place in his heart to think about me or even insert me in his prayers. I don't know how I am going to fully remove my life from his. I really don't. I can say I don't love these hoes 78956428795137 times but at the end of the day, I do. I love them hard too. I can pretend like what he does doesn't bother me on twitter or with my friends but crying or feeling some type of way doesn't feel too damn good when you realize that he's "taken" on his damn twitter bio. Just another girl who will be trapped into this illogical way of wishful thinking. I pity her. I would tell her to make a run for it before it's too late. Before she's trapped like the rest of us thinking or plotting a way to gain some sanity or consistency in our life again. Attempting to go back to the days when everything was so simple and love .... was not a factor.
We all have the same raw emotion towards him, that even if he's not the only one we're dedicating our time to he's one of the main people we think about before we go off to sleep. That should count for something I would hope. I would think that even tho Bonnie2 has her hoe-ish tendencies that he still has some type of compassion to her... and even though Twiggy has done some of her own dirt he still has some type of undying love towards her as well and even though Me, myself has done some malicious petty things to hurt him or make him feel as bad as I did when I find out about his endeavors he would still find a time or a place in his heart to think about me or even insert me in his prayers. I don't know how I am going to fully remove my life from his. I really don't. I can say I don't love these hoes 78956428795137 times but at the end of the day, I do. I love them hard too. I can pretend like what he does doesn't bother me on twitter or with my friends but crying or feeling some type of way doesn't feel too damn good when you realize that he's "taken" on his damn twitter bio. Just another girl who will be trapped into this illogical way of wishful thinking. I pity her. I would tell her to make a run for it before it's too late. Before she's trapped like the rest of us thinking or plotting a way to gain some sanity or consistency in our life again. Attempting to go back to the days when everything was so simple and love .... was not a factor.
Monday, January 16, 2012
By Smoovee
Last night...
As you guys may have noticed Bonnie nor myself are the greatest when it comes to picking the opposite sex, but we try. Last night I went to one of my current "beaus" room. He hit me up around 6ish to watch the game and have dinner. Lemme give you a little background information on "Doc".
I met him freshman week, when Courtney, Tavia, and I were on our way back from Mcdonald's at around 1am being that I go to college in the inner city we have to always be on our toes just in case we need to run from a potential murderer or crackhead. As we were walking side, by side, by side each taking responsibility looking in the direction assigned to each of us, when suddenly Court screams at the top of her lungs after seeing a rodent of some sort and we all ran into the street damn near running into a guy riding a bike. After we all apologize embarrassingly to him he continues to ride off , when he's out of ear shot Court says "he was handsome." That's all I needed to hear within seconds I shouted down the street "AY ! What's ya name ?!" Long story short he turned around, I got his number (an approach taught to me by my aunt) and we've talked every now and then , chilled twice, and BOTH times were a FLOP .
FIRST TIME
I go walk over to his dorm, being that he's a graduating senior my mans has 24 hour visitation . SO I went over there a little later than I should have. Mistake on my part I'll admit. He greets me at the door we go up to his room , and he puts on a movie. Then he begins to undress , you know make himself more comfortable in his space. He takes off his hoody, his pants to reveal basketball shorts and then the socks came off and those FEETS yes I said feets were HORRIFIC . What made it worse was he had 5 lotion bottles, I counted, FIVE lotion bottles and ashy ass feet . Why though ? Why ? I was automatically turned off, then he had the nerve to call himself cuddling with me . His feet touched me guys, and they were cold. Cold, ashy ass feet. I can't . I had my back against him with us both laying down, I could tell he was gathering courage to kiss me because he kept breathing in my ear until finally he thought fuck it and began to kiss me "passionately" with dragon breath. After I told him we can't fuck, he STILL calls his homeboy for a condom. After continuously asking "wanna have sex" and after blatantly saying NO he still fucking called his mans. That was the first time.
LAST NIGHT
Doc hits me up on some romantic shit, asking me to come over to watch the game and dinner. Since I was doing my hair I told him I'd come after I was done. I had already ordered food, and knew I was going to be late so I wasn't expecting him to wait for me to eat. I get done with my hair around 8 and I begin to walk over to his dorm. He meets me at the entrance and we continue onto his room. He asks me if I was hungry I politely tell him no and he replies "ahhh man , I was gonna cook for you." It actually made me feel bad that I had already eaten but I thought fuck it. After settling down in his room, I was chillin he took a quick shower got out and joined me on the bed. We shared a few laughs and I explained the characters of Mob Wives to him , we made small talk and then he was on top of me. I know he made the first move because I never make the first move...with him. While kissing him I tried to imagine that he was my boyfriend whom I loved to the core, and when I opened my eyes and snapped back I realized it was still only Doc, so I stopped it. We cuddle, he falls "asleep" and then pops up 10 minutes later on top of me again. I go along with it yes, because for a minute it feels good to be wanted, but then he gets too intimate and I have to pop up and tell him I HAVE to go. Sensing he made me uncomfortable he tries to plead to get me to stay but I refuse I tell him if I stay I'll end up fucking him . LIE ! But reverse psychology works like a muthafucka. He asks me again why I can't stay and I tell him I'm celibate. You know this nigga had the nerve to say "me too yo that's why I don't keep condoms in here" . After this fool was JUST on top of me he says he was celibate . Does he not think I've realized you don't need a condom to fuck ? TUH ! Just because you don't have condoms in here doesn't mean your dick doesn't partake in vaginal activities ! I had to go, shit was getting too uncomfortable.
Before the little episode I had involving me to leave , we were cuddling and he fell "asleep" like I said previously. While I was laying in his arms, and I felt his chest rising up and down I found myself really contemplating why I wasn't head over heels for a guy that otherwise would be perfect for me. He's a mature senior whose premed, and has a future ahead of him. He's smart as hell and doesn't drink nor smoke which could maybe help me change some of my ways. Hollister nor Goon was thinking of Smoovee so why were they invading my thinking space ? I was comparing him to them and he would triumph them both if it wasn't for the THIRST ! Because after he popped up again it was on. Matter fact I can't even call him thirsty because if it was a guy I was really into it this would be a completely different blog. But its not and its him we're talking about so...yeah . I don't know maybe he'll grow on me, or maybe he'll stop paying attention and make me fall head over heels from lack of affection shown towards me . Shit it worked for all the others . With my love life, there's no telling what the fuck is going to happen or when that something will occur. Stay tuned .
Smoovee .
Last night...
As you guys may have noticed Bonnie nor myself are the greatest when it comes to picking the opposite sex, but we try. Last night I went to one of my current "beaus" room. He hit me up around 6ish to watch the game and have dinner. Lemme give you a little background information on "Doc".
I met him freshman week, when Courtney, Tavia, and I were on our way back from Mcdonald's at around 1am being that I go to college in the inner city we have to always be on our toes just in case we need to run from a potential murderer or crackhead. As we were walking side, by side, by side each taking responsibility looking in the direction assigned to each of us, when suddenly Court screams at the top of her lungs after seeing a rodent of some sort and we all ran into the street damn near running into a guy riding a bike. After we all apologize embarrassingly to him he continues to ride off , when he's out of ear shot Court says "he was handsome." That's all I needed to hear within seconds I shouted down the street "AY ! What's ya name ?!" Long story short he turned around, I got his number (an approach taught to me by my aunt) and we've talked every now and then , chilled twice, and BOTH times were a FLOP .
FIRST TIME
I go walk over to his dorm, being that he's a graduating senior my mans has 24 hour visitation . SO I went over there a little later than I should have. Mistake on my part I'll admit. He greets me at the door we go up to his room , and he puts on a movie. Then he begins to undress , you know make himself more comfortable in his space. He takes off his hoody, his pants to reveal basketball shorts and then the socks came off and those FEETS yes I said feets were HORRIFIC . What made it worse was he had 5 lotion bottles, I counted, FIVE lotion bottles and ashy ass feet . Why though ? Why ? I was automatically turned off, then he had the nerve to call himself cuddling with me . His feet touched me guys, and they were cold. Cold, ashy ass feet. I can't . I had my back against him with us both laying down, I could tell he was gathering courage to kiss me because he kept breathing in my ear until finally he thought fuck it and began to kiss me "passionately" with dragon breath. After I told him we can't fuck, he STILL calls his homeboy for a condom. After continuously asking "wanna have sex" and after blatantly saying NO he still fucking called his mans. That was the first time.
LAST NIGHT
Doc hits me up on some romantic shit, asking me to come over to watch the game and dinner. Since I was doing my hair I told him I'd come after I was done. I had already ordered food, and knew I was going to be late so I wasn't expecting him to wait for me to eat. I get done with my hair around 8 and I begin to walk over to his dorm. He meets me at the entrance and we continue onto his room. He asks me if I was hungry I politely tell him no and he replies "ahhh man , I was gonna cook for you." It actually made me feel bad that I had already eaten but I thought fuck it. After settling down in his room, I was chillin he took a quick shower got out and joined me on the bed. We shared a few laughs and I explained the characters of Mob Wives to him , we made small talk and then he was on top of me. I know he made the first move because I never make the first move...with him. While kissing him I tried to imagine that he was my boyfriend whom I loved to the core, and when I opened my eyes and snapped back I realized it was still only Doc, so I stopped it. We cuddle, he falls "asleep" and then pops up 10 minutes later on top of me again. I go along with it yes, because for a minute it feels good to be wanted, but then he gets too intimate and I have to pop up and tell him I HAVE to go. Sensing he made me uncomfortable he tries to plead to get me to stay but I refuse I tell him if I stay I'll end up fucking him . LIE ! But reverse psychology works like a muthafucka. He asks me again why I can't stay and I tell him I'm celibate. You know this nigga had the nerve to say "me too yo that's why I don't keep condoms in here" . After this fool was JUST on top of me he says he was celibate . Does he not think I've realized you don't need a condom to fuck ? TUH ! Just because you don't have condoms in here doesn't mean your dick doesn't partake in vaginal activities ! I had to go, shit was getting too uncomfortable.
Before the little episode I had involving me to leave , we were cuddling and he fell "asleep" like I said previously. While I was laying in his arms, and I felt his chest rising up and down I found myself really contemplating why I wasn't head over heels for a guy that otherwise would be perfect for me. He's a mature senior whose premed, and has a future ahead of him. He's smart as hell and doesn't drink nor smoke which could maybe help me change some of my ways. Hollister nor Goon was thinking of Smoovee so why were they invading my thinking space ? I was comparing him to them and he would triumph them both if it wasn't for the THIRST ! Because after he popped up again it was on. Matter fact I can't even call him thirsty because if it was a guy I was really into it this would be a completely different blog. But its not and its him we're talking about so...yeah . I don't know maybe he'll grow on me, or maybe he'll stop paying attention and make me fall head over heels from lack of affection shown towards me . Shit it worked for all the others . With my love life, there's no telling what the fuck is going to happen or when that something will occur. Stay tuned .
Smoovee .
By Smoovee
The people I actually let into my thoughts, emotions, and secrets are composed of a small inner circle of females that have proven themselves to be loyal as fuck...to ME . When I decide to let a male into that circle...shits real . My feelings are no longer in the stage of guarded thoughts, I become completely vulnerable to that individual . NOW ...when my vulnerability and kindness is mistaken for weakness and thirst , I become a psycho, crazed bitch ready to go to war at any fucking time with that particular male in this case there are two.
Why do I continuously fuck with the same type of guy hoping that this one will be different , or in hopes of changing a goon into the boy next door . Maybe its the challenge that I seek...but this shit has got to end , TODAY! I'm never the first to put myself out there when it comes to the opposite sex because them muthafuckas are often trife, and when they know they have you, they tend to take full advantage . If I sit there and fuck with you AFTER you blatantly disrespected me for a birdhead bitch, with the nappiest of weave and has the characteristics of a fucking toad and I still have the decency to give you another chance then its obvious I see something in you. When even after I find out probation, being kicked out the house with no phone, having no car nor a job are apart of your daily struggles and I continuously try to see the fucking good in you...RESPECT ME ! How can you go around like fuck Smoovee when I STILL fucked with you after I realized, your ass is shit . If a guy doesn't have shit going for him , yet he's able to "wake and bake" every fucking morning his priorities is fucked. If he can't commit to shit else what the fuck made me think he'd ever consider committing to me ?
Ramsey, Adam, Donte, Holliday, Hollister and Goon you'd think after going through five BAD boys I'd get the hint and stop wasting my time. Being the person that I am, I always want to to be the one to CHANGE the guy...after many failed attempts it's starting to become apparent, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. I go in as if the male is a project in need of a little handy work and I'm the one who always comes out feeling incomplete . This HAS to stop. Goon was fun I guess, but at the end of the day I can't continue playing this game. Why leave if you KNOW you'll be back ? This time don't bother STAY GONE ! Hollister , the one who's mission is to dick down my whole dormitory one puss at a time is fucking done haunting my thoughts as well . The only reason he's still invading my personal thinking space is simply because at any given moment I can see him downstairs, in my lobby, with a different "beau" of course I'm going to feel a way if I see a guy I have feelings for on another female.
Holliday, my first is now on his way to the happy American dream . That is after going into the armed forces has found the love of his life and is expecting a bubbly, bouncing baby boy in the few months to come. Adam, my "love" since the tender age of 8 has moved on and on...and on to many females of different ethnicites and backgrounds . Donte has has been in jail for the past two years after violating probation, and knocking one of his baby mothers over the head with a fucking bottle and then there's Ramsey my first REAL boyfriend is now enjoying a very different lifestyle in Ecuador. As you can see, I pick the colorful ones of the bunch, never the average guys I always seem to want more and that "more" that I go for ends up fucking me over EVERY time . *sighs* maybe my next guy will be the one I can actually feel safe with , and never have to question where I stand...hell maybe he'll be like all the others. No more expectations, they lead to too much heartbreak.
Smoovee .
The people I actually let into my thoughts, emotions, and secrets are composed of a small inner circle of females that have proven themselves to be loyal as fuck...to ME . When I decide to let a male into that circle...shits real . My feelings are no longer in the stage of guarded thoughts, I become completely vulnerable to that individual . NOW ...when my vulnerability and kindness is mistaken for weakness and thirst , I become a psycho, crazed bitch ready to go to war at any fucking time with that particular male in this case there are two.
Why do I continuously fuck with the same type of guy hoping that this one will be different , or in hopes of changing a goon into the boy next door . Maybe its the challenge that I seek...but this shit has got to end , TODAY! I'm never the first to put myself out there when it comes to the opposite sex because them muthafuckas are often trife, and when they know they have you, they tend to take full advantage . If I sit there and fuck with you AFTER you blatantly disrespected me for a birdhead bitch, with the nappiest of weave and has the characteristics of a fucking toad and I still have the decency to give you another chance then its obvious I see something in you. When even after I find out probation, being kicked out the house with no phone, having no car nor a job are apart of your daily struggles and I continuously try to see the fucking good in you...RESPECT ME ! How can you go around like fuck Smoovee when I STILL fucked with you after I realized, your ass is shit . If a guy doesn't have shit going for him , yet he's able to "wake and bake" every fucking morning his priorities is fucked. If he can't commit to shit else what the fuck made me think he'd ever consider committing to me ?
Ramsey, Adam, Donte, Holliday, Hollister and Goon you'd think after going through five BAD boys I'd get the hint and stop wasting my time. Being the person that I am, I always want to to be the one to CHANGE the guy...after many failed attempts it's starting to become apparent, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. I go in as if the male is a project in need of a little handy work and I'm the one who always comes out feeling incomplete . This HAS to stop. Goon was fun I guess, but at the end of the day I can't continue playing this game. Why leave if you KNOW you'll be back ? This time don't bother STAY GONE ! Hollister , the one who's mission is to dick down my whole dormitory one puss at a time is fucking done haunting my thoughts as well . The only reason he's still invading my personal thinking space is simply because at any given moment I can see him downstairs, in my lobby, with a different "beau" of course I'm going to feel a way if I see a guy I have feelings for on another female.
Holliday, my first is now on his way to the happy American dream . That is after going into the armed forces has found the love of his life and is expecting a bubbly, bouncing baby boy in the few months to come. Adam, my "love" since the tender age of 8 has moved on and on...and on to many females of different ethnicites and backgrounds . Donte has has been in jail for the past two years after violating probation, and knocking one of his baby mothers over the head with a fucking bottle and then there's Ramsey my first REAL boyfriend is now enjoying a very different lifestyle in Ecuador. As you can see, I pick the colorful ones of the bunch, never the average guys I always seem to want more and that "more" that I go for ends up fucking me over EVERY time . *sighs* maybe my next guy will be the one I can actually feel safe with , and never have to question where I stand...hell maybe he'll be like all the others. No more expectations, they lead to too much heartbreak.
Smoovee .
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