By Smoovee

The people I actually let into my thoughts, emotions, and secrets are composed of a small inner circle of females that have proven themselves to be loyal as fuck...to ME . When I decide to let a male into that circle...shits real . My feelings are no longer in the stage of guarded thoughts, I become completely vulnerable to that individual . NOW ...when my vulnerability and kindness is mistaken for weakness and thirst , I become a psycho, crazed bitch ready to go to war at any fucking time with that particular male in this case there are two.

Why do I continuously fuck with the same type of guy hoping that this one will be different , or in hopes of changing a goon into the boy next door . Maybe its the challenge that I seek...but this shit has got to end , TODAY!  I'm never the first to put myself out there when it comes to the opposite sex because them muthafuckas are often trife, and when they know they have you, they tend to take full advantage . If I sit there and fuck with you AFTER you blatantly disrespected me for a birdhead bitch, with the nappiest of weave and has the characteristics of a fucking toad and I still have the decency to give you another chance then its obvious I see something in you. When even after I find out probation, being kicked out the house with no phone, having no car nor a job are apart of your daily struggles and I continuously try to see the fucking good in you...RESPECT ME ! How can you go around like fuck Smoovee when I STILL fucked with you after I realized, your ass is shit . If a guy doesn't have shit going for him , yet he's able to "wake and bake" every fucking morning his priorities is fucked. If he can't commit to shit else what the fuck made me think he'd ever consider committing to me ?

Ramsey, Adam, Donte, Holliday, Hollister and Goon you'd think after going through five BAD boys I'd get the hint and stop wasting my time. Being the person that I am, I always want to to be the one to CHANGE the guy...after many failed attempts it's starting to become apparent, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. I go in as if the male is a project in need of a little handy work and I'm the one who always comes out feeling incomplete . This HAS to stop. Goon was fun I guess, but at the end of the day I can't continue playing this game. Why leave if you KNOW you'll be back ? This time don't bother STAY GONE ! Hollister , the one who's mission is to dick down my whole dormitory one puss at a time is fucking done haunting my thoughts as well . The only reason he's still invading my personal thinking space is simply because at any given moment I can see him downstairs, in my lobby, with a different "beau" of course I'm going to feel a way if I see a guy I have feelings for on another female.

Holliday, my first is now on his way to the happy American dream . That is after going into the armed forces has found the love of his life and is expecting a bubbly, bouncing baby boy in the few months to come. Adam, my "love" since the tender age of 8 has moved on and on...and on to many females of different ethnicites  and backgrounds . Donte has has been in jail for the past two years after violating probation, and knocking one of his baby mothers over the head with a fucking bottle and then there's Ramsey my first REAL boyfriend is now enjoying a very different lifestyle in Ecuador. As you can see, I pick the colorful ones of the bunch, never the average guys I always seem to want more and that "more" that I go for ends up fucking me over EVERY time . *sighs* maybe my next guy will be the one I can actually feel safe with , and never have to question where I stand...hell maybe he'll be like all the others. No more expectations, they lead to too much heartbreak.

Smoovee .