By Bonnie.

I'm in school right now on this beautiful MacBook evaluating life. Seriously just thinking of all the things I've accomplished in nineteen years and all the stuff I want to accomplish. My first english assignment was given to me today and it's on the topic of Identity. The first thing that comes into my mind is to write about my five year experience with babyDaddy, because at the end of the day that is one of the major component of my life. I learned an extreme amount of information from him. I've felt things I've never thought I would and done things I've never thought I'd do. I know that he is a major part of my life and in my first little brainstorming session I really wrote on pure emotion. My peer reader was amazed and at the same time kind of scared because I literally jumped from happy, sad and loyal in a matter of two paragraphs. I have alot of emotion and angst towards this man. I really don't even know what to think of him. I don't know what goes on is his brain when he does the things he does. I know he doesn't think of me nearly as much as he crosses my mind.. everyday. It's not even about love or emotions it's pure concern. I worry about what he's doing ever single day. I worry about if he's safe. I worry about if he's BEING* safe with these girls. I worry about if he's passing his classes. I worry about if he's making the right friends. I literally will sit and think for hours at times about all these miniscule things and it's like for what ? What am I getting out of it ? Nothing. Nothing but being a little stalker girl and reading all his little beau's twitter pages trying to put their picture against mine. Difference between Smoovee's niggas and Him is that he actually stays on the same level or upgrades. I've never seen him mess with a ugly ass girl. I wish he did, then maybe I could laugh about it and point fingers but I can't because they're all gorgeous as hell.

We all have the same raw emotion towards him, that even if he's not the only one we're dedicating our time to he's one of the main people we think about before we go off to sleep. That should count for something I would hope. I would think that even tho Bonnie2 has her hoe-ish tendencies that he still has some type of compassion to her... and even though Twiggy has done some of her own dirt he still has some type of undying love towards her as well and even though Me, myself has done some malicious petty things to hurt him or make him feel as bad as I did when I find out about his endeavors he would still find a time or a place in his heart to think about me or even insert me in his prayers. I don't know how I am going to fully remove my life from his. I really don't. I can say I don't love these hoes 78956428795137 times but at the end of the day, I do. I love them hard too. I can pretend like what he does doesn't bother me on twitter or with my friends but crying or feeling some type of way doesn't feel too damn good when you realize that he's "taken" on his damn twitter bio. Just another girl who will be trapped into this illogical way of wishful thinking. I pity her. I would tell her to make a run for it before it's too late. Before she's trapped like the rest of us thinking or plotting a way to gain some sanity or consistency in our life again. Attempting to go back to the days when everything was so simple and love .... was not a factor.