By Bonnie.

Last night was a night like many other nights. Me & my Layaa' argued once again. We always argue. It's to the point where like it's weird when we don't. I blame it on our Capricorn & Aquarius cusp. This time I don't even remember what it was about. All I know is that phones were clicked off and I had to call my bestfriend Morenike to just talk about everything else BUT that... of course she brought up Layya and like always I poured out my whole entire life to her on the subject. The main thing being said over and over again is that I'm mean. It's my humor. A tad bit cyncial at times but that's just me. Long story short we came to the facts that even though we're not together, we sure make it seem like we're together *in my drake voice* I know it can't even be remotely healthy, but it feels right and it feels good.

I honestly don't see myself in the near future being able to go weeks (like i try) without talking to Layaa. I hate that, so I mask it by being the least bit vulnerable I could be. I've been told that feelings get you killed all my life. I witnessed relationships that were faker then pornstar tits. I watched people devote their lives to humans who are LESS THAN WORTHLESS. I can't be one of those people. I admire the concept of love, but I know what it could do. I know what waiting for a phonecall can destroy, I know the feeling that tweet watching brings. None of its positive. But I also know that love cannot be described, but rather felt and that is the reason I continue to put myself in these situations. I love the fighting because the make up is so sweet. I love the tinge of jealousy, lets me know that I AM wanted. I am. It's not a figment of my imagination, I'm not playing myself. This is real. & that's really all that matters in the long run. I'm happy. Layaa's happy. We're happy <3